Break ups suck. It doesn't matter what age you are or what situation you're in, they jut plain suck. An older lady at the funeral I was at gave me this advice after talking about another gal who is my age and currently boyfriend-less after a break up.
It wasn't like I was asking for advice, but she said: "It doesn't really matter if you have a boyfriend or not." （我们是过来人 or someone who has been around the block） "As someone who's been around the block, I can tell you at this age, it's not going to matter, my husband is great and all, but what's more important is that you have to be able to support yourself."
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Life is Short
I went to the funeral of a family friend today. It was well attended, we're talking standing-room only. She was the publisher of the only bilingual Asian American/Chinese newspaper in Arizona so all the key players in the Phoenix Chinese/Chinese American community were there.
She died unexpectedly--in a car accident. Certainly, everyone is devastated, especially her husband and her two adult children.
Of course sitting there in one of the pews at her funeral made me think as cliche as it sounds: life is short. Live. Live as much as you can. Sometimes things work out and sometimes things just don't. It's hard to accept the fact that some things don't work out. Jobs, relationships, opportunities, sometimes they just don't. I keep telling myself that there are things that do work out eventually.
She died unexpectedly--in a car accident. Certainly, everyone is devastated, especially her husband and her two adult children.
Of course sitting there in one of the pews at her funeral made me think as cliche as it sounds: life is short. Live. Live as much as you can. Sometimes things work out and sometimes things just don't. It's hard to accept the fact that some things don't work out. Jobs, relationships, opportunities, sometimes they just don't. I keep telling myself that there are things that do work out eventually.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Brutal Honesty
Dear World,
I AM NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE.
As of this past year, I swear that this is what everyone in my age group talks about. Ok, ok, not every single person but a lot of people.
I may be the only 31-year-old gal out there who actually believes in the fact that SHE IS NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN. I realize I am behind the curve but you know what? I'd rather wait than get myself into a jam with some dude that I'll end up hating forever.
No, it's not because I've had a lot of bad relationships. No, it's not because I'm unattractive. No, it's not because I hate men. No, it's not because I've never been in love.
I'm just not ready. There's nothing wrong with dating-going out and having a good time-that's the easy stuff. I'm talking about values, beliefs, how your household will function, in-laws, property, blah, blah, I'm just not ready to deal with that shit.
Ok, maybe I haven't met the right guy. But then again, you kind of have to be ready for it too. You could meet the right guy and not be ready. I mean, seriously.
I tend to worry a lot about work and my career--figuring out more opportunities or what the ideal situation is or at least I'm still chasing that career dream--whatever that is or will end up being.
Furthermore, that whole kid thing. I am torn. The truth is I don't know if I want to have kids. Part of me is thinks "hell no" and the other part of me thinks "What if I miss out?" Yes, I realize I could adopt a kid from China. It'll sort of look like me (like anyone is going to know the difference, haha) and that could suffice. However, what if I want that experience before I die? Any time I have a boyfriend, of course, I think, "Oh, that might be a good idea, but then I come to my senses and I think, okay, maybe not." I mean that's the whole point of dating, right?
I realize that marriage is a ton of work. Yours truly is not ready to take on that work. There, I said it. I am selfish with my time, I am not interested in compromising and I don't want to take on any one else's problems, debt, family issues, etc. Sorry. I just don't. I am realistic about marriage. It's not about the ceremony and the honeymoon. That's the easy stuff. Yeah, I'm critical, cynical, whatever, whatever, but that is what I believe. I'm just not ready -- the thought of standing in a kitchen cooking every night (and, yes, I can cook just fine but it doesn't mean I love it), compromising what I believe in/my free time, I can't stomach it right now.
I wish people would just understand.
I AM NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE.
As of this past year, I swear that this is what everyone in my age group talks about. Ok, ok, not every single person but a lot of people.
I may be the only 31-year-old gal out there who actually believes in the fact that SHE IS NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN. I realize I am behind the curve but you know what? I'd rather wait than get myself into a jam with some dude that I'll end up hating forever.
No, it's not because I've had a lot of bad relationships. No, it's not because I'm unattractive. No, it's not because I hate men. No, it's not because I've never been in love.
I'm just not ready. There's nothing wrong with dating-going out and having a good time-that's the easy stuff. I'm talking about values, beliefs, how your household will function, in-laws, property, blah, blah, I'm just not ready to deal with that shit.
Ok, maybe I haven't met the right guy. But then again, you kind of have to be ready for it too. You could meet the right guy and not be ready. I mean, seriously.
I tend to worry a lot about work and my career--figuring out more opportunities or what the ideal situation is or at least I'm still chasing that career dream--whatever that is or will end up being.
Furthermore, that whole kid thing. I am torn. The truth is I don't know if I want to have kids. Part of me is thinks "hell no" and the other part of me thinks "What if I miss out?" Yes, I realize I could adopt a kid from China. It'll sort of look like me (like anyone is going to know the difference, haha) and that could suffice. However, what if I want that experience before I die? Any time I have a boyfriend, of course, I think, "Oh, that might be a good idea, but then I come to my senses and I think, okay, maybe not." I mean that's the whole point of dating, right?
I realize that marriage is a ton of work. Yours truly is not ready to take on that work. There, I said it. I am selfish with my time, I am not interested in compromising and I don't want to take on any one else's problems, debt, family issues, etc. Sorry. I just don't. I am realistic about marriage. It's not about the ceremony and the honeymoon. That's the easy stuff. Yeah, I'm critical, cynical, whatever, whatever, but that is what I believe. I'm just not ready -- the thought of standing in a kitchen cooking every night (and, yes, I can cook just fine but it doesn't mean I love it), compromising what I believe in/my free time, I can't stomach it right now.
I wish people would just understand.
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