Brutal Honesty

Dear World,

I AM NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE.

As of this past year, I swear that this is what everyone in my age group talks about. Ok, ok, not every single person but a lot of people.

I may be the only 31-year-old gal out there who actually believes in the fact that SHE IS NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN. I realize I am behind the curve but you know what? I'd rather wait than get myself into a jam with some dude that I'll end up hating forever.

No, it's not because I've had a lot of bad relationships. No, it's not because I'm unattractive. No, it's not because I hate men. No, it's not because I've never been in love.

I'm just not ready. There's nothing wrong with dating-going out and having a good time-that's the easy stuff. I'm talking about values, beliefs, how your household will function, in-laws, property, blah, blah, I'm just not ready to deal with that shit.

Ok, maybe I haven't met the right guy. But then again, you kind of have to be ready for it too. You could meet the right guy and not be ready. I mean, seriously.

I tend to worry a lot about work and my career--figuring out more opportunities or what the ideal situation is or at least I'm still chasing that career dream--whatever that is or will end up being.

Furthermore, that whole kid thing. I am torn. The truth is I don't know if I want to have kids. Part of me is thinks "hell no" and the other part of me thinks "What if I miss out?" Yes, I realize I could adopt a kid from China. It'll sort of look like me (like anyone is going to know the difference, haha) and that could suffice. However, what if I want that experience before I die? Any time I have a boyfriend, of course, I think, "Oh, that might be a good idea, but then I come to my senses and I think, okay, maybe not." I mean that's the whole point of dating, right?

I realize that marriage is a ton of work. Yours truly is not ready to take on that work. There, I said it. I am selfish with my time, I am not interested in compromising and I don't want to take on any one else's problems, debt, family issues, etc. Sorry. I just don't. I am realistic about marriage. It's not about the ceremony and the honeymoon. That's the easy stuff. Yeah, I'm critical, cynical, whatever, whatever, but that is what I believe. I'm just not ready -- the thought of standing in a kitchen cooking every night (and, yes, I can cook just fine but it doesn't mean I love it), compromising what I believe in/my free time, I can't stomach it right now.

I wish people would just understand.