I'm embarrassed to say that it's taken a ridiculous amount of time to recover or at least process the whole matter. I was really, really upset about it for several months. The first three months I felt like a total zombie while navigating my new job/career. I did not talk to him thinking it would speed up the process. Well, that did not happen because I spent the remaining five months pissed because I was always contacting him whenever we did talk. Then, other things would come up at work so I would forget everything for a period of time and then they would re-surface each time things calmed down.
Meanwhile, I went on other dates just to keep myself pre-occupied. I didn't really go on these dates with the intention of getting into another relationship, which worked out since most of the guys I went out with were just down right hilarious (how ridiculous their stories were).
A lot of people who I talked to since the break up used the word "dealbreaker" to describe why I broke up with him. It's true--sexist, macho behavior is a dealbreaker for me. I don't like sexist jokes. I understand jokes are jokes. I understand the locker room environment, blah, blah, blah. However, I'm not putting up with that at my house. This is why dating is tough. Your significant other making sexist jokes is not the same thing as your friend making sexist jokes. It doesn't make it okay but at the end of the day, you're not going home with that person.
I grew up with a Tiger Dad who regularly made inappropriate comments, mostly racial but sometimes sexist comments. So that's a dealbreaker for me. Sometimes people wonder why I am so hard on other people when they say certain things or why I'm sarcastic or why I say the things I do, it's pretty much something I've developed over a long time.
Frankly speaking, why would I have a kid with someone who joked about "beating, shoving and pushing" me? Would I really want to tell a kid that "Gee, your dad told me when we were dating that it would be funny to joke about hitting me and I was cool with the joke...?" I mean, what?? Unfortunately, as a woman, in particular, you decide how people are going to treat you. My ex-boyfriend and I already had several discussions about my view on women and his view on women. Apparently, none of it was productive and in recent months I started to blame myself for not walking away sooner--as in the beginning.
I almost did but then I gave it another chance. Sigh. I liked everything else about him so I went with it. Regardless, if you don't experience these things, you'll never know what you want or don't want.
